what does laziness really mean? this is a question i have asked myself repeatedly. i suppose i have always considered myself more of a lazy person throughout my life. i never tried to do more than what was necessary of me, i didn't strive for absolute perfection. i didn't even engage in many extracurriculars when i was in K-12 schooling. it all seemed unnecessary and strange to me, that you would spend so much of your time doing things which weren't asked of you. of course, i now understand that those extracurriculars were fun to people, thus providing plenty of incentive. i know that at least some people get a sense of pleasurable accomplishment from doing a lot of difficult work, or from doing perfect work, which drives them to do even more work later as they chase this feeling. i wonder sometimes if i am the one in the wrong for not feeling these things or not feeling them strongly enough to really change my behavior. i wonder idly if there is some internal defect which produces in me an intense desire to utilize as little effort as is necessary in my endeavors. is it laziness? am i lazy?
this is something i have sought to understand for some time. i have, ultimately, come to understand that laziness is a nebulous and vague concept, rooted in racism, classism, and ableism. i must admit i am influenced strongly by the book "Laziness Does Not Exist," by Dr. Devon Price. Dr. Price discusses in this book the concept of a "laziness lie" and its roots. this lie tells us that to be lazy is a sinful thing, something we must strive and work to never be. i won't rehash the entire book for you, but this idea of laziness being some awful, condemnable thing (sloth is one of the deadly sins after all) is something i think about often. why do we think this way? what is laziness, at the end of the day? is laziness bad? does laziness even actually exist? another concept brought up in the book is the idea that no one is truly lazy; that is, no one is not doing something for no reason at all. this is something i also ascribe strongly to. i think that almost all behavior is communication and that there are very few things that people do without any reason at all. almost all behavior has been caused by or is trying to tell us something. thus, i approach the concept of laziness the same way. when someone is "lazy" and doesn't want to do something, i feel it is important to examine the why behind the behavior, or rather the lack of behavior. Dr. Price suggests, and i agree, that there are actually barriers in place which prevent or disincentivize one from performing the necessary task, even if the barriers are seemingly small or invisible. the understanding of barriers as things that prevent us from doing what is necessary is a useful tool in approaching inaction and other behaviors. it imparts a certain amount of compassion to the self, i believe, because it requires you to understand and listen to your body and mind, to understand what is in your way, to understand how you function best. to do these things, to attempt to understand oneself i believe is quite compassionate, particularly in a society which often demands dissociation from one's true nature.
my own fear of laziness supposes that there exist no real barriers in my life. this is something i know is factually untrue. i personally experience great debate within myself regarding the term disabled and whether this word truly applies to me. however, i do know that regardless of how i personally identify, the conditions i have are debilitating; this is clear, because if they did not impact my life significantly, i would not have been diagnosed with them in the first place. thus, it is factually true that these conditions make certain things more difficult for me. i do not have the same level of functioning as someone without my conditions, at least not naturally. i require additional supports in the form of medication, therapy, and other accommodations throughout my life in order to take care of myself, my surroundings, and my responsibilities. these are all things i know to be true. yet, when i look at my performance in university so far, or the mere fact that i am taking only 1 above the minimum number of credit hours, or my inability to muster the energy to also pursue undergraduate research, i find it so easy to label myself as simply being lazy. why is this? i attempt to understand this inclination with grace and curiosity. i try not to berate or belittle myself for thinking this way. it didn't come from nowhere, and being quite mean to myself about it will not help me understand it any better. i suppose that on some level, i am influenced by what i see around me. i see plenty of people my age--particularly at my university--who are able to take more classes, who do have higher GPAs, who can undertake research alongside their studies. i understand that it is possible, and the prevalence of such students makes me think it is to be expected. think for a moment of the prototypical college student. they are stressed, swamped by schoolwork, dependent on caffeine to get through the day, pulling all-nighters and studying constantly. busyness is expected of us. the image does not spare a thought for those of us for whom this lifestyle is simply unsafe and unsustainable, those of us whose mental health is already frayed and prone to unraveling. yet this image is seared quite deeply into the psyche of many of us. it is passed off as normal and expected, often without exception. thus, it is quite natural for the mind to think, if these conditions are not being met, that something must be wrong with us. it is quite easy to think that if we don't want this kind of lifestyle, then we must be the ones in the wrong. that we must be lazy. the guilt that accompanies this feeling can be quite intense.
i ask simply that one step back and examine their own internal thoughts and biases; uncover one's own definition of laziness and reflect with curiosity upon where they may have picked up this definition and whether it is accurate and, more importantly, whether it truly serves them. i believe this is an important step in learning to slow down and perhaps a way to show grace and kindness to oneself, which is surely something we all need these days.